She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
