If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
