So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
In America we eat man semen.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
