Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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