Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
