i think my mom watched the whole time
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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