Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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