At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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