His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My nipple is on Facebook.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
