You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
