The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize