I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
