I'm laying in your front yard are you home
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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