Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You made out with two different species that night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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