I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
