if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize