I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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