I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am puke
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
