trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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