My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
