Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
