i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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