His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize