I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
