Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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