Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
