She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
