sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
