anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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