That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Less talking, more tequila
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
