Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
