Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
