so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
