Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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