i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize