Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
