i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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