Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
