Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
