Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
