I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
