who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
