We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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