glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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