So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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