remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
