I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
