haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
