He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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