Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
