I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
