Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
