Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
