If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I could make wine with my vomit
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
