apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize