What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my shit smells like andre
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
