I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
