my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i think i just lost a toe
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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