dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
