if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You were trust falling into bushes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
