it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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