Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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