I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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