my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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