around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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