don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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