i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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