Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
