capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
