and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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