I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize