I think my fart just growled at me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
