Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Randomize
