It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
