when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
