She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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