4 words: hood of his car
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
