So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize