Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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