Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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