if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
