Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize