but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
