I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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