carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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