Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
