so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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