so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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