i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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