whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
