He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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