Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
