would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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