But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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