So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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