so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
