week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize