I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
