dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
