thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
