I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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