Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
