We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
