He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm always down for nudity.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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