Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
