Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
